A theory of love


According to Francesco Alberoni’s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francesco_Alberoni) socio psychological theory, falling in love is a process akin to religious or political conversation. People fall in love when they are ready change, or to start over again.

Falling in love is a rapid process of de-structuration/reorganisation called the nascent state. In the nascent state, a state of pure creative energy, the individual loses his or her previous identity, and becomes highly fluid and capable of merging with another person to create a new “us,” a unit of two that is highly charged with solidarity and eroticism. The new couple realises their dreams, aspirations, and unexpressed potential through one another, and develops a shared life project and common view of the world. Individuals in the nascent state put one another through tests, which if successful eventually give way to a solid love relationship, and the forming of new identities and life structures formed by the merging of the two individuals.

Alberoni does not consider falling in love as a regression, but instead as a launching of oneself towards the future and change, and as fundamental to the formation of a romantic partnership. ‘Falling in love transforms their whole world, it is a sublime experience, an act of folly… the discovery of one’s own being and one’s own destiny’.

Others would agree that ‘falling in love, being by definition an intense experience of change… is itself in some way also a therapeutic experience’; while arguably ‘the most severe form of love disturbance is the inability to fall in love’.

Another interesting side effect is impatience. There are many things in life where patience is the only way forward. In fact this is pretty much the most important ingredient of success. Without patience nothing comes your way. However, there is a fundamental difference between the way the heart and the brain operates. The way I see it, the brain (or the mind) is able to control pretty much every aspect. It maintains an equilibrium when opposite forces are concerned. Such as opposing forces of desire and piece by piece execution of a long-term strategy to achieve something. The brain rather brilliantly, gradually and deliberately shapes desire into part of this execution to achieve what it needs to achieve; thereby resolving conflict of interest.

But what of patience when the heart is involved? Try to tell a teenager’s (for that matter even a grown up) heart patience is a virtue and that it must wait relentlessly day and night. It would kill the poor thing!

If you’ve given away your heart, as far as I am concerned, it is pretty much game over. From this point on it overrides the brain. It deprives you of sleep. It deprives you of rational thoughts. It deprives you of your of common senses. It makes you want to take chances. It gives you goose bumps. It turns your knees into jelly, it turns your eyes dreamy…. for you have my friend, fallen in love! Oh yes!

Are you ready to change? I am!

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