Author Archives: vidyerthy

About vidyerthy

A perplexed individual on a quest to find happiness!

One of those days

It’s been one of those days. A day that begins perfectly well with all its intents and purposes but then slowly and surely begins to fall apart. Typically speaking these types of days rarely occur just out of the blue. Throughout the week a certain theme develops. Perhaps a bad day or two at work, perhaps a torpid, dormant yet deep frustration with something or somebody, perhaps an unceasing sequence of misfortune – these all build up to an unsustainable level and thereby manifest themselves by piercing through that general happiness bubble. The worry free bubble.

Feeling down and stressed at the end of the day does not resolve the very thing that causes them in the first place. What is really needed is an analysis of the situation and an action plan. Things that you can do that will remedy the situation, that will have a positive impact. If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot see a way out then that is indeed bad news. However, truth be told, it is extremely unlikely. Life is all about constant adaptations, adjustments and tweaks. There is no magic formula that will keep the mojo going forever. One always has options. It may not always be an option that is strewn with jasmine and lavender leading you to a land of plenty; but an option nonetheless.

I have no complaints. Things are better than yesterday and I am glad for that. Tomorrow could be much worse. And whilst I don’t subscribe to, for want of a better phrase, the idea of seizing the day and choking on the bone at the cost of tomorrow, I do recognise that there needs to be a balance. At times a philosophical approach is needed to resolve a rut like this.

I strongly believe that there is nothing particularly wrong with worrying and feeling stressed or depressed for a length of time. These are necessary evils… for without them happier times aren’t fully appreciated. Imperative is a sense of resolute commitment to the cause, the cause of transcending. Astute and incisive actions in order to mitigate the rut and facilitate the means to excel. Call it whatever you like, but without making these positive strides you are likely to go nowhere.

As they say when the wicket is up and down, get a good stride in and play with soft hands. It’s been one of those days…


World is not enough

Life sometimes can be such a mystery. At times it can be sickeningly and delightfully joyous and yet at times so frustrating. It is only when we accept its mysterious ways that we can begin to feel comfortable. It is perhaps no coincidence that quantum physics underpins it all.

One cannot apply calculations and come up with prediction models to try to explain its mysterious ways. Easier said than done. Pragmatic as though we may sound most of the time, we still endeavour to do just the same. How foolish. As if “Murphy’s Law” simply didn’t exist. How dare they?

There isn’t really any mystery to it so long as one does not try to decipher the perceived mystery in the first place. Take a chance. Go on, take a God damn chance. No matter how precariously stacked the odds might be against you; take a chance. Likelihood is an infuriatingly disadvantageous concept since it’s very definition gives you a shot. Unless you give it a shot, the chances of likelihood squashing all hopes is remarkably and overwhelmingly high.

Oh… mmm, I don’t know her/him enough yet” is simply a false economy for you could never know someone enough. And when you think you do it is either too late or even worse you’re proven embarrassingly and more often than not, painfully wrong. Past experiences profoundly shape the cognitive side of human psyche – quite rightly so. No one enjoys being burnt twice. However, the flip side of it is that past experiences should not stultify cognition out of recognition. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is out there to get you. No two experiences are ever the same. Sometimes if it feels right, then it is probably right. Don’t be afraid. You can never know somebody enough by sitting on the other side of the fence. Go on, step out, be positive and reach out for sometimes even the world is not enough.

Onwards and upwards

Another year comes to an end and oddly unlike previous years, I am not in a reflective mood. It is quite a tradition for many to sit back, breathe in and evaluate the year gone by and set targets and goals for the year ahead… including making a few mental notes of what worked and what didn’t.

I am not in a reflective mood today mostly due to the fact the year presented ample opportunities to do just that. Mostly I learned two things. Things that I knew already…

  • freedom
  • love

Freedom is such an important aspect. Without freedom living is as amusing as an asthmatic going on a holiday in an incessantly suffocating island in hell. In other words… rather pointless. Freedom exists in many different forms and guises. Financial freedom is one such imperative kind. It is an awful and sickening feeling to get paid at the end of the month and within the very first week face the prospect of various direct debits and standing orders reducing the wage to a bloody pittance. So personally it was finally a great relief to finally get to the other side and smell the fragrance of financial freedom; although not quite 100% but close enough. 2012 is all about being studious enough in order to finish the job once and for all.

Almost three years of utter cynicism finally came to an end during a summer holiday trip. Although I did not quite a fall in love but an incident of great significance took place. I understood that you can delay it, you can fight it off for a while but eventually love will get you. And what a wonderful feeling it was. As the curtain finally begins to fall on 2011 it feels as if it is indeed beginning to get me. Oh yes.

Adieu 2011. Hello 2012… onwards and upwards!

The other man

What is your take on deceit? It is generally accepted that deceit ought to be avoided. It mostly hurts people and brings untold misery. Dealing with deceit is at best uncomfortable. Some find it easy to move on. In others it causes instability at the very core of their humane make up.

Imagine a happy fulfilling relationship built on solid foundation lasting over thirty years until one day it comes crumbling down. The feeling of being let down is an incredibly emotionally crushing. The sheer disbelief and confusion it causes initially is perhaps the saddest part of it all. That feeling reveals all.

I watched an interesting film called The Other Man the other night. Here is the plot summary:

“In Cambridge, the software engineer Peter (Liam Neeson) and the shoe designer Lisa are successful in their careers and have been happily married for twenty-five years. They have an adult daughter, Abigail, and Lisa frequently travels to Milano to do business with the Gianni & Gianni Company. When Lisa is gone, Peter finds a message in her cellular and decides to snoop her e-mails and discovers in a secret folder named Love that she had a lover, Ralph. Peter travels to Milano and stalks Ralph; he finds that the man plays chess in a bar. Peter gets close to Ralph and discusses his relationship with Lisa without knowing that he is her husband.”

The film itself does not live up to its potential however it raises some interesting questions. Some time ago I blogged about what love is? One of the points I was trying to make in that particular article is that of consideration of an individual.

In this film Lisa simply falls in love with two men. She loves them both dearly and simply did not feel compelled to choose between them. In fact, she chose them both. Both men made her who she is. It is this particular angle that her husband eventually comes to grips with and finds it within his heart to forgive her (she had passed away by the time he stumbles upon her illicit affair with this man).

It is an interesting and rather munificent gesture. I suspect, he was able to take himself out of the equation and see it from Lisa’s perspective and as such an indication of the true nature of his appreciation of his now late wife.

This film left me, for want of a better word, totally flabbergasted. The staggering nature of this man’s forgiveness simply stupefied me. I do not subscribe to this particular altruistic angle on love. What Lisa did was deceit at its most callous. Love is not free lunch. It’s give and take. It’s about equality; it’s about treating the opposite number with dignity, respect and honesty.

It is perhaps poetic justice that she died a horrible death.

What is your take on this?

Blissful life

Sometimes you see something and you just know that is what you would like. I went for a drive around Penn and Hazelmere today. Not for the first time mind. But I felt something extraordinary today that I have never felt before.  There was some kind of sedate serenity about the place. Streets were littered with leaves, wind blowing directionless, the sun was out in all its glory and might bathing the whole village in beautiful warm amber glow. It was a shame that I hadn’t thought of taking the camera with me. Penn was picture perfect today.

Immediately my thoughts turned to its many occupants. I started wondering if they too live such a picture perfect life? Everyone has tucked away in the corner of his or her mind an ideal picture perfect life. So do I. Mine has always been that of a middle of the road family, with middle of the road issues and in general a blissful and harmonious life. There is nothing grand about any of it. It doesn’t have to be a manor house; there is no need for Ferraris, Lamborghinis; there is no need for a pony… just a loving wife, couple of beautiful children and just about enough to live comfortably and give the children a decent education and perhaps the occasional ability to spoil the wife and kids at times.

But then I realised something. There was something mighty odd about the whole thing. None of it is really possible without hard work. A blissful life style is not something that you can buy from a boutique shop. The seeds that you sow in early part of your life enable you to reap the benefits at a later stage. A blissful life is only possible if you have done the hard grafting earlier on. Unless of course you are one of those born with a silver spoon in your mouth; and there are plenty around. For majority of us though it is all about grafting…. grafting hard. And it pleases me so much to see hard grafters who made good. The old saying rings true… no pain no gain.  A blissful life is unlikely to land on your lap. You have to earn it.

Forgiveness, love and compassion

What will you do if you were bestowed with the power to make the world a better place? Which particular aspect will you tackle first? Where will you start? Will you systematically take out every single imperfection and replace it with perfection? Will you make the rain go away and bring sunshine? Will you abolish poverty and enrich lives of people with prosperity? Will you bring justice to those who deserve it? Will you make sure put an end to child abuse? Will you bring about equal opportunity? Will build hospitals and schools in places that need it the most? Will you offer education for all? Will you rid evils with good? Will you change the world forever?

I suspect you would want to do all of those if you could. But then reality hits home and with it the realisation that more often than not we simply talk about changing the world without ever acting.

It reminds me of that great and often under appreciated song by Michael Jackson – “man in the mirror”. The beauty of it all is that you don’t need to perform any such herculean efforts to start making a difference. You need to better yourself… control what you can. You won’t win the lottery tomorrow that will allow you to build schools in poverty stricken part of the world – but you could donate a small amount to a charity. You won’t make everyone’s Christmas but you could give up your Christmas and help those numerous organisations trying to help thousands of homeless folks over the Christmas period. You don’t need to bring justice but ensure you never take advantage of others. You don’t need to end child abuse but ensure you never lay your finger on a child. You don’t need to rid all the evils but just ensure you never attempt to become one. You do your bit and just hope the rest of the world follows suit – trust me… it will make difference!

Start with the basic ingredients that don’t cost anything at all… forgiveness, love and compassion.